Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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