My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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