i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
