I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
