my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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