dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
