Your dad touched me again.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
