its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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