Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
