my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
