I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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