My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
