Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
