Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
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