I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
