well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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