I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
