I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
