I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
