i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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