walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
