6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
