im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
