capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
