the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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