My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
