The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
