he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
