I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
