It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am spending my child support on dildos
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
