I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
