I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She even gives head with a lisp.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
