no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
