im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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