OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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