So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
