I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
