Ambien. No doubt about it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
