He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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