wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
