we have officially lost it.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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