I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
