So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
