My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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