I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
