1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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