i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you mean i was at the winter classic?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
