I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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