that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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