i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How external is "for external use only"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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